Carpe Diem!

So, today I sit in my pj's with my sweet puppy sleeping blissfully by my side and I think she is one content little critter. Don't you wish we could just have that same joyfull spirit as our puppy? Play when you wanna, rest when you wanna and always be excited to see a friend or loved one! I sure do! Yes, we all have responsibilities but the fact of life is, we have to decide to sieze the moments that are memory makers. I can tell you  with a sincere heart the only thing that keeps me from going and doing is a lack of funds! If a friend calls for lunch or to meet for a cocktail, I am there! The only time I decline is if my bank acount is empty and my credit cards are screaming in agony! We for the most part can find an excuse to not meet a friend when they call. We are tired, the kids are whiny, you husband/boyfriend won't like it, your in your workout clothes, yada, yada, yada! I say to you this little bit of advice and you should write it down, memorize it, tattoo it on your butt, whatever you gotta do but remember "This is not a dress rehearsal! This is your life! This is IT! No Do Over!" Get off your butt and make a memory. Don't pass up a birthday wish, don't pass up a giggle over lunch, don't pass up a good cry over a glass of wine with a friend who is hurting, don't miss the opportunity to show someone that you love them!
This is the spice of life people! We can't let ourselves fall into a rut. Life is so much sweeter when it's filled with love and laughter.
I remind you of this today mostly, because one of my dear friends had a birthday this weekend. Those of us that showed up for the festivities had such a good time. We facebooked and tweeted the whole next day about it. Laughing about the nights events and grateful in our hearts for the memory. Now my friend received numerous excuses why some could not be there. They all sucked! Yes, you say to yourself "oh, there will be other birthdays. I will go next year" but what if next year didn't come? Shit happens, people! Everyday, anyday, no matter who, where, or what you think, sometimes next time never comes....and then what? I have lived this scenerio.....living with a regret can be a terrible burden. My thoughts are simply, Carpe Diem! Seize the day!
Live, love and laugh as much as you possibly can! Don't let life pass you by. Hug your friends, kiss your kids, eat the birthday cake with gusto, pop a cork on a bottle and last but not least.....say a prayer and count your blessings everyday.

Love and blessings,
Lulu

Awesomeness!!! ;D

Usually, I am not a morning person but today I woke up with my mind racing with a thousand thoughts and ideas. I keep returning to one thought in particular...I must work on my awesomeness. Yes, I know you are probably saying to yourself "How could Lulu get any better?" Well, I am not sure myself but I think I should always work on improvements. I am aging and I don't want to lose the super powers I have worked so hard on my whole life. I mean this snappy wit and sharp tongue come pretty naturally but you have to keep your skills in check, like a ninja! Of course, there is no shortage of ignorant or overly dramaitic people around to give me amunition to excersise my talents on. I mostly keep my smart mouth to myself or tweet about it. And then there is the GNO (girls night out) when Malibu Barbie and I entertain each other with our sarcasm.
My kids keep me pretty entertained as well. They keep me laughing with all the stories they tell me. I have pretty funny kidos. I mean really, they crack me up. It comes naturally to them as they get that humor from both of their parents. Matt was a bit more suttle with his humor but he kept me laughing all the time. If that man said something you better listen up because you were going to laugh. Most of it was very inappropriate which makes me laugh even harder! I have a more twisted humor and I find things funny that others are appalled at. Either way, we laugh lots around my house.
So back to my awesomeness. I am whacking around ideas for another book. I am also hell bent on an idea to expand Lemondrop Lulu's. I think the next step there should be a line of T-shirts with some of my classic words of wisdom. I mean my quotes are "tattoo that on your butt" worthy but how would you ever decide on just one. Yes, T-shirts for everybody. I got shit to do today! Check ya' later, tators!

Love and Blessings, Lulu

Burning Bridges

So, the past couple of weeks I have heard a friends side of a friendship gone bad. It was a small mistake that just continued until it was too late to recover. The apology just didn't mean enough by the time it was given and it was hard to tell if it was even given with a geniune heart. Sometimes you have to decide if the bridge is worth crossing or burning that mo' fo' to the f'n ground!
I am sure that you can all relate. We have all felt the sting of betrayal and sometimes, even with forgiveness we just can't forget. So, today I ask this simple question of loyalty. Do you think that it is possible to keep friendships separate? Can one person really be true to friendships when your friends don't like each other? I say no. I do not want to filter my conversations with my bestie because she doesn't like another chick I just had lunch with. I want to feel free to say, "Hey, I had lunch with Malibu Barbie today" without Skipper getting an attitude and asking "Well, what did that bitch say about me? I know she said something!" It leads to tension. Sooner or later you gotta pick a team! I hate to sound petty but it is what it is. We can be polite in a social setting without showing our Jerry Springer show side in public but in private, it is soooo gonna come out. So if you defend Mailbu to Skipper, then she is pissed and if you don't then you are not a true friend. And heaven forbid that Skipper tells Ken about the situation and he tells G.I. Joe and it gets back to Malibu and then everybody gets their feelings hurt. It could get real ugly, real quick. Are you following me?
Once harsh words are spoken, they can never be taken back. That knife in your back is going to sting everytime you see the bitch that put it there. No matter how deep it was plunged, it hurts and you don't want your friends hanging with her ANYMORE! I hate playground politics but these are rules. You should have learned it in the third grade but there are those women that just don't get it, STILL!!!!
Ok, here is my thought. Loyalty is earned and once it has been spit on...it just never seems to come clean again. So pick a team and choose your loyalty wisely. I may have only 5 friends at my funeral but by all that is good and holy, those 5 will love me truly and be the most loyal of besties! Ok, Bitch Slap Barbie is going to go have a cocktail with Malibu and I will have more to write about tomorrow! Cheers <<clink>>

Love and Blesssing, Lulu

Knowing Your Worth

I had a really good talk the other night with a dear friend. He and his wife quickly became two of my favorite people. You know how you meet someone and it just clicks, instant friends. Like minded with you. You feel their energy and they are just cool people to be around. They add something positive to your life just by being around them. That is the G's for me. They know who they are!  I love them. I love their kids. I could tell you a hundred reason why, but the top of the list is simply that they are an awesome, loving family.
When I sit across a table from this young couple and chat, I enjoy them. They are fun. They love each other. They understand each other. They are the "no matter what" kind of love.
 Now, I say this because they remind me of my worth. I remember that someone once loved me like that...once upon a time in land far, far away......my fairy tale has a sad ending but the story was filled with adventure, romance, true love and laughter! It made me who I am today. But I digress....my point is sometimes fathers and husbands forget their worth. As I sat with Mr. G the other night having a conversation about the paths our lives have taken us, it occured to me that we had more in common than we realized. Once again, I was reminded that God sometimes says, "Ha!" It made me think, is this why I was instantly in "like" with this couple? Did the universe know that I needed them in my life? How could we have this much in common? Feel the force, young Skywalker! lol Yes, this man sits in front of me and tells a story that was so unbelievably the same path that my sweet husband had traveled. A path that was not an easy one. A sometimes sad and cruel path. But these two men both become loving husbands and fathers. Statistically, they should be total screw-ups......but no, these men had something special. They over came a hardship and are better because of it. So as I sit across from my friend, I have an even greater sense of admiration for him.  I want him to know that his worth as a father and husband are beyond measure. That love is a stronger foundation than a bank account will ever be. So today, I salute the men who change diapers, who know how the plug in the sippy cup works, who pour their wife and her friend a glass of wine in the middle of the day, the ones who sit for hours teaching toddlers to tie shoe laces, who throw kids 50 times in the air so they can splash in the pool while knowing they will hear "just one more time", the men that give hugs and kisses to sad little ones, to men who listen when a wife has an idea or a bad day and to the men who simply say "I will do better than my parents did" and do. These are the everyday heros. Maybe they can't see it but I do. So, if this is you, walk a little prouder today. If it's your man, tell him how proud you are of him.  Remind him of his worth.
Love and Blessings, Lulu

Group Therapy

I don't know how you deal with the struggles life hands you, but I for one, choose group therapy. Not the get together weekly kind where a therapist sits with a clip board, asks you to introduce yourself,  explain your particular situation to the group and then sends you a bill. No, I prefer the crack open a bottle, sit on the porch, talk and laugh it out kind of therapy with your very bestest of friends. It works for us and no matter what the problem is, sharing it with friends who love and pray for you is always, always a good thing. Talking is a way to unburden yourself and sharing with a friend reminds you that you are not alone. It is healing. We are not a bunch of whiny broads sitting around bitching all the time. Most of the time we are laughing about some silliness of the weeks adventures but occasionally there is sadness or a challenge that one of is dealing with. These friends of mine are always here to fill my heart with love and positive energy. Not just the ladies but the gentlemen in my life as well. I am a very lucky gal. I am blessed with some very kind and wonderful people in my life. I hope they know what they mean to me. If not, then they do now. I love you all!
Cheers! <<clink>>

Love and blessings, Lulu

I Do Not Bounce

You may be asking yourself "what the heck does that title mean?" Well, let me tell you friends, it means just that! I do not bounce from one relationship to another claiming to "be in love" after just meeting someone. This amazes me how people throw those words around. To me they are sacred. I mean them with my whole heart. They mean I will over look your bad, annoying habits and count all the good qualities you possess instead. I will nurture you when you're sick or injured. I will love you when times are tough. I will stand up for you even if your wrong. I will not pledge to spend a lifetime with you and then say "ahhh, you ain't so hot" and throw everything we had together out like it was yesterdays garbage. When you truly have love in your heart, you will fight to keep what you have until you have exhausted all options. You will say you are sorry even when you think you were right, because the other person isn't worth losing over a stupid argument. The person you love is always, always, always worth more than your stubborn pride. People take love for granted. You don't just break someones heart and send them out to pick up a new one at Wal-Mart.
Now, why was this the chosen topic for the day? I was asked last night if I missed a past relationship. The answer to this particular gentleman was, yes I do. There were some sad life situations that drove us apart and we are unable to mend our situation now. I still love him and wish him the best. This led to another recent relationship and the answer was, no.....because the reality is, I loved him but he bounced! He bounced high and hard! So this tells me that what I thought was real, what was a true commitment, was false. It was all a magic trick of illusion, smoke and mirrors. He said I love you with ease, but it truly meant nothing. I was disposable when things didn't go his way. This is not the love that God has planned for us. This not what I want out of a man. As my past posts have stated, I want the "no matter what kind of love." Forever and ever, amen.
So today, I challenge you to look at what you have. Respect your partner and cherish them as your best friend and lover. Remember that everyone has spats now and again. It's the nature of the beast. We have a bad day and they are at an easy reach. We are human, we stumble. Get over it, apologize, kiss and make up. Build your relationship up, don't build a wall between you.
If you are single like me, then take a good look at yourself. Remember your worth. I know what I bring to the table and it's pretty good. I am a catch! Take pride in yourself and don't settle for the "bounce."  So today I toast the wonderful men that truly love me and give extra cheers to fools that have lost me. I hope when they see me from time to time that they shake their heads and want to kick their own asses! Ha!
Love and blessings, Lulu

And the World Tilts

How do I explain to you how the simple act of remembering a birthday can lead to thoughts that slowly, swirl around my brain until I am left feeling unbalanced. I can't explain it to myself...even after all these years. Matt's birthday is a day that begins the thoughts of the aproaching holidays. We are big celebrators in this house and birthdays usually last the whole week. His birthday was just the fun reminder of the Thanksgiving holiday fast approaching and then all the excitement of Christmas to follow.
The very first Thanksgiving was so hard. I couldn't bring myself to leave our house to go celebrate with family. It felt like I was leaving him behind. Alone and forgotten...I just couldn't bare it. So the kids and I had a huge dinner at home and then went to the movies after. It was a good day. Relaxed and happy. Thus, the new tradition of Thanksgiving being just about us, in our home was established. Anyone is welcome to join,  we just feel good here.
As the days and weeks pass after his birthday, I always have that little bit of nervous, unsettled feeling in my stomach. I question myself over and over whether I am doing a good job making the holidays as special as when Daddy was here. Are my kids happy enough? Are they loved enough? Am I enough? 
I know the answer is yes....the problem lies in the fact that no matter what, the enough isn't enough because of the hole left behind without our Daddy here. He loved the holidays and loved seeing the happiness in our faces. He lit up when the kids made the Santa list and shouted out at every TV commercial the must haves. "Daddy I want that!" said a hundred times a day just made him laugh and his response was always, "ok" with a little wink my way.
 I do love the holidays still and make them just as big and glorious as I can. Memories of the past and hope for the future. But even so, when you see the smile on my face and hear me speak of holiday plans, just remember that deep inside I am a wee bit of a mess. My world is still spinning but it is titling on it's axis and I feel I may fly off at any moment! So, if you are a praying friend, say a few extra for me. I need to keep my sanity for a few more years.

Love and Blessings, Lulu

Lazy Sunday

Today, I am thankful for a lazy Sunday morning and a teenager who drives. She brought me breakfast in bed! Oh, yeah...that is one of the plus sides of your babies growing up. Of course, this little brat tried to ruin my breakfast with talk of moving out! She can only think of the excitement of being out on her own. Mommy sees no excitement in paying bills and rent. I think she should enjoy herself before getting stuck in that rut. We have a while to go yet, but still she likes to see me raise my eyebrow in disapproval. Oh, to be 17 again with all the fresh ideas and hope for the future. This child of mine who has struggled with many health issues over the past 3 and half years. There have been many sad days but this girl keeps going. She does her best, keeps her grades up and gives me no trouble even when she is in extreem pain. A girl who has had a headache non-stop since freshman year and struggles with chronic migraines and fatigue. Can you imagine...a headache for 3 years? No relief. You would probably never know if you just met her today. She is an angel. Sweet faced and smiling most of the time. This little girl of mine is stronger than anyone can realize until they hear our story. Once upon a time, the perfect family. Now, even though we are cracked and flawed, we put up a strong front and hide our pain inside. We smile politely and keep our broken hearts hidden. This is the new normal for the Macon family. I still cry sometimes at all the things Daddy is missing. He would be bragging about his little girl being a senior and showing her off. Our girl who takes highschool classes in the morning and goes to cosmotology in the afternoon. I can see his sweet smile and hear exactly what he would say in my head, "That's my baby! Mommy and I did that! We made that!"
I hope he knows I have done my best at this Mommy thing. It wasn't easy alone without him. Being Mommy and Daddy sucks. I must have done something right though, because I have some really great kids. They are all funny and have a way of making me laugh ever single day. Our home is a pretty comfortable place to be. It is house filled with love and that is partly because we think Daddy still watches over us.
Enjoy your kids and give them a little extra love today. They grow up way too fast!
Love and Blessings, Lulu

Deer season makes me miss my dear!

Now I know that sounds odd to most "deer season widows" as they are sometimes called. Every year as opening day approaches I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness as I hear the men folk talking about it. All the bragging of the first one and who is taking their son with them this year. Just the general conversations of it all. Most men will be staying off somewhere every chance they get and not coming home all weekend or week. My Matt would get up early and quietly sneak out. Just a quick kiss and he was off leaving me sleeping peacefully in my nice warm bed. He always found a lease close to home. He would stay for part of the day but always came home to have family time with us that afternoon. The best part was when he would get a deer early in the morning and then he would make it back in time to sneak back in bed and wake me up. Cold and smelling like the woods he would sneak and give a kiss before heading to the shower. I loved that smell. Something about it. Odd, I know. As he would crawl back into that bed to snuggle, all fresh and clean my heart would just melt with happiness to feel his warmth beside me again.
So to all the women who are griping about the season and what it brings, just remember to let him go and enjoy himself. Give him some time to cut up and be a dude with the guys. To smoke cigars and have a few beers or one too many. Life is short and we never know what our day will bring. Enjoy your life together and don't bitch about the little things. Be grateful for the small sweetness in your days and they will turn into the best memories, I promise.
Love and Blessings, Lulu

Fatty Day! :D

At the moment I am laying in bed with a handsome and much younger man....watching cartoons! Ha! That's right, my Fatty is here with his Yaya! School was closed today for who knows why so here he is. I love my sweet little man. Donuts and chocolate milk in bed? Sure why not! Yaya can wash sheets but little boys don't stay little forever. Spoil them and love them with every fiber of your being. I never miss a chance to get in extra kisses and hugs. He is now and forever known as Fat-Fat, Fatty, Big Fat Baby! Kadin Shawn to the rest of the world but Yaya will always love her Fatty.

I am blessed with days like this. I hope this little boy grows into a confident and happy man because Yaya gave him extra special attention. Love is carried in your heart forever. And this little boy is loved.

So for today this is what I am thankful for. Are you all doing the 30 days of thankful? It has been a good thing for me and I am enjoying it. If your not, go ahead and start. It's never to late to count your blessings.

Love and Blessings, Lulu

Fun-Eeeee

This was sent to me by my friend Leather Martin! She cracks me up and I had to share it! Hope it gives you a giggle. It's 5 o'clock somewhere! Time for a lemondrop martini to be in my hand! Cheers! <<clink>>

Find the Positive in Your Path

So, tonight as I sat across the table from a dear friend, I look at her and realize how blessed I am. We drank a few cocktails, laughed and solved all the worlds problems. This is our usual time together. I always leave her company in good spirits, with positive energy and a grateful heart to have her as a friend. The funny thing is my path only crossed with her because of a past relationship. A relationship that ended badly. This man may not have been a good life choice for me but then again, without him I would never have met Jessica. So here is the positive in my path. A wrong turn that led to a right again. Lessons learned and friend gained.
I am grateful for whatever reason she has come into my life. I hope to be sitting on the back porch drinking cocktails even when we are 90! Here's to good friends and to the laughter they bring. Cheers! <<clink>>

Love and blessings, Lulu

Ladies who lunch...

I am a proud and lucky member of a group of ladies that enjoy the long lunch hour. We Mommies need a break now and then. This is our time. We usually meet once a week and it is whoever can make it. We just send out a text message and hope for a fun group. There is usually lots of laughter as we catch up on each others lives (drama, gossip, encouragement and girl power!) and a few glasses of wine, only because of the anitoxidents and health benefits, I assure you! I myself enjoy a nice calimocho (half wine, half diet coke over ice)....yes, I have seen the look of disgust and heard the "eewwwwsss" but everyone who has had a taste loves it! So, I say don't knock it tell you try it. You just may find you're a fan! lol
Today was a small crowd...just 3 of us but it was fun and uplifting just the same. I am feeling nothing but positive energy on my book and the path that it seems to be leading to. Everything is falling into place and the connections I am making have been fenominal! I am saying lots of prayers and asking my praying friends to do the same.
I hope this project will be something my kids can be proud of and that would make my Matt smile and say "that's my bride...she can do anything,"
Thanks, to Julie and Missy for a great lunch! I love these gals! Mwah!
Love and blessings, Lulu

Uuuggghhhh!!!

Well, today is one of those days. House full of kids that feel yucky. Seth says he didn't sleep well. Lauren has allergies making her fell yuck. Shelby woke up with a fever and a sore throat. And of course, she slept in the bed with me all night. I hope her cooties stayed on her side of the bed but I can't help but feel a little paranoid! My throat is feeling itchy! It has to be all in my head. Please, be all in my head. I don't have time to be sick. Mommies don't get down time! I will have a lemondrop martini this evening as preventive medicine! Ha!

So, noticed some of my facebook friends are doing the 30 days of thankfull. I loved the idea. I have a chalk board in the kitchen that I have been writing down my thoughts on everyday. It's good to count our blessings and on days like today, I am glad I have been remembering mine!

Hope everyone has a great day. The countdown to Thanksgiving is here! Woo-hoo! I love turkey day!
Love and blessings, Lulu

Club W

Well, today I met another member! We had such a great chat and I am sure she will become a lifelong wine buddy. Yes, I mean wine as in bring a bottle over and let's wine! She read my book after a blue day of missing her husband. Some of you know that I call those sneak up and bite you on the ass days "blue" or "Daddy days."
She read a copy that was shared by a mutual friend. I love how our angels lead us to each other.
Today was a good day and know I am blessed with the best of friends.

To top off my day, one of my oldest and dearest friends stopped by and we had a little wine time! I love me some Connie! So fun catching up and having some giggles.
Love and Blessings, Lulu
 

Booooo!

Well, just more proof that my babies are growing up. It's halloween and my ghouls are off with friends, as they have been most of the weekend. Yes, it is nice that they are so independent and Mommy can do what she wants and not worry about entertaining them. Then again I have to admit that I miss the days when they were little. Finding just the right costume so we could go to treats on the square, trick or trunk at the church and then knocking on doors around the neighborhood....sweet memories. Matt always got such a kick out of it. He was a big kid himself and always teased the kids to be sure and get lots of his favorite candies! Ha! He was always making us laugh.
Well, I wish you all a happy and safe night. Cherish the memories. They grow up way too fast.
Love and blessings, Lulu

Spent the day with family celebrating birthdays at Aunt Sheila and Uncle Mike's house. Patrick, Betty and Aunt Nita. So good to see everyone and the support of my book was wonderful. Nothing but positive thoughts and of course, lots of smiles and laughter talking about memories with Matt. I hear many times that some think of him everyday! We all miss the man with the sweet smile and contagious laugh. That warms my heart.
Thank you to all of my family that made today wonderfull! Love you all!
Love and blessings, Lulu

Losing it....

For me this sums it....I thought I would be married to Matt forever. We had made it through some very sad and trying years. Now life was sweet and heading in all the right directions. I was happy. My Shelby asked me once many years ago if Daddy had been taken because we loved him too much.....what a sad thing for a little one to ask....I remember we cried and cried. I wish I could tell you that never happens anymore but from time to time we still have a sad Daddy day. No explanation for it, it just hits you like a slap in the face and stops you in your tracks.
This is no reflection on any relationship I am in....it has nothing to do with how sweet they are to me or how much we love each other. It is missing him and the life we had. It is him missing out on the memories of our children as they grow. That hole in our hearts can not be mended....it is what it is.
Maybe one day I will find a love who understands and respects this. I hope for the day that I can share my life with someone forever...the love you no matter what kind of love that Matt and I shared.
Love and blessings, Lulu

Daddy Kisses

This is my sweet Lauren and her Daddy. He was always generous with hugs and kisses. I hope my babies remember that.

Did He Say That?!?!?

Yes, he sure did! My friend asked to read my book the other day and I said to him, "Uhmmm, I don't think you want to do that." He wanted to know why and I said because you may read more than you ever wanted know about me and this relationship will be over before it even has a chance at a good start! He said no, he wanted to know everything about me. (insert look of concern with a raised eyebrow here and add a "Yeah, right...) So I reluctantly sent him the rough draft to his email. A few hours later, I get a text. He was at work and managed to sneak it in. He had nothing but positive things to say. He loved it and was so glad I had shared it with him. Said it made him respect me even more. Wow, whhhaaaaaattt? I was shocked and even more shocked the next morning when he sent me another message about the book and said he thought he had an idea of who would be interested in it. Companies that do safety meetings for big companies. Said it would hit home with people to hear an actual story of how an accident impacted a real person/family. Those things hit home and make you think. Wow, again!
So this is something he is going to look into. Who knows if anything will come of it but I can tell you that little bit of positive thought and energy can make a huge difference. So this morning I say thank you to a sweet man for his support and understanding. Feeling pretty good today....happy thoughts! Love and Bleassings, Lulu

My Shelly-Belly

Had dinner tonight with a friend and his parents. My Shelby tagged along. It was so good to spend time with her. We had so much fun. Good food, good company and lots of laughter. Sometimes it's nice to just to have one of my kidos all to themselves. Just enjoying their unique personality. As I look at her sweet face and hear her sharp wit, I can't help but smile and think Daddy would be so proud of this girl. Thank you Lord for "happy accidents."
Good night all....sweet dreams. Lulu <3

For Daddy!

I got this tattoo in remembrance of Matt and Lauren followed the tradition. We miss you Daddy everyday!

The book

I started with a nagging idea. After losing my husband my life was so off balance. The world around me seemed to move quickly and I was stuck in slow motion like a cartoon character. Somedays I felt so alone like no one understood the crazy thoughts in my head. I randomly would come across another widow and somehow our conversations always turned to these crazy thoughts and I realized I was not alone with them. We all had them in common. Why didn't more talk about their feelings? Why did we feel the need to keep it quite? Because if you haven't been in our place, your simply can't wrap your head around the things that we think and feel. So I had an idea to write a book. It took me a very long time, almost 9 years in fact. But it is finally done. Not all of my crazy thoughts but the important ones are there. You can't put all that crazy down on paper! That will get you heavily medicated, in a padded room! Ha!

So, here goes....a blog to go with it. I have lots more to say. Hopefully, I can reach others like myself and we can share some information and a giggle from time to time. Lots of Love, Cindy (Lemondrop Lulu)