Booooo!

Well, just more proof that my babies are growing up. It's halloween and my ghouls are off with friends, as they have been most of the weekend. Yes, it is nice that they are so independent and Mommy can do what she wants and not worry about entertaining them. Then again I have to admit that I miss the days when they were little. Finding just the right costume so we could go to treats on the square, trick or trunk at the church and then knocking on doors around the neighborhood....sweet memories. Matt always got such a kick out of it. He was a big kid himself and always teased the kids to be sure and get lots of his favorite candies! Ha! He was always making us laugh.
Well, I wish you all a happy and safe night. Cherish the memories. They grow up way too fast.
Love and blessings, Lulu

Spent the day with family celebrating birthdays at Aunt Sheila and Uncle Mike's house. Patrick, Betty and Aunt Nita. So good to see everyone and the support of my book was wonderful. Nothing but positive thoughts and of course, lots of smiles and laughter talking about memories with Matt. I hear many times that some think of him everyday! We all miss the man with the sweet smile and contagious laugh. That warms my heart.
Thank you to all of my family that made today wonderfull! Love you all!
Love and blessings, Lulu

Losing it....

For me this sums it....I thought I would be married to Matt forever. We had made it through some very sad and trying years. Now life was sweet and heading in all the right directions. I was happy. My Shelby asked me once many years ago if Daddy had been taken because we loved him too much.....what a sad thing for a little one to ask....I remember we cried and cried. I wish I could tell you that never happens anymore but from time to time we still have a sad Daddy day. No explanation for it, it just hits you like a slap in the face and stops you in your tracks.
This is no reflection on any relationship I am in....it has nothing to do with how sweet they are to me or how much we love each other. It is missing him and the life we had. It is him missing out on the memories of our children as they grow. That hole in our hearts can not be mended....it is what it is.
Maybe one day I will find a love who understands and respects this. I hope for the day that I can share my life with someone forever...the love you no matter what kind of love that Matt and I shared.
Love and blessings, Lulu

Daddy Kisses

This is my sweet Lauren and her Daddy. He was always generous with hugs and kisses. I hope my babies remember that.

Did He Say That?!?!?

Yes, he sure did! My friend asked to read my book the other day and I said to him, "Uhmmm, I don't think you want to do that." He wanted to know why and I said because you may read more than you ever wanted know about me and this relationship will be over before it even has a chance at a good start! He said no, he wanted to know everything about me. (insert look of concern with a raised eyebrow here and add a "Yeah, right...) So I reluctantly sent him the rough draft to his email. A few hours later, I get a text. He was at work and managed to sneak it in. He had nothing but positive things to say. He loved it and was so glad I had shared it with him. Said it made him respect me even more. Wow, whhhaaaaaattt? I was shocked and even more shocked the next morning when he sent me another message about the book and said he thought he had an idea of who would be interested in it. Companies that do safety meetings for big companies. Said it would hit home with people to hear an actual story of how an accident impacted a real person/family. Those things hit home and make you think. Wow, again!
So this is something he is going to look into. Who knows if anything will come of it but I can tell you that little bit of positive thought and energy can make a huge difference. So this morning I say thank you to a sweet man for his support and understanding. Feeling pretty good today....happy thoughts! Love and Bleassings, Lulu

My Shelly-Belly

Had dinner tonight with a friend and his parents. My Shelby tagged along. It was so good to spend time with her. We had so much fun. Good food, good company and lots of laughter. Sometimes it's nice to just to have one of my kidos all to themselves. Just enjoying their unique personality. As I look at her sweet face and hear her sharp wit, I can't help but smile and think Daddy would be so proud of this girl. Thank you Lord for "happy accidents."
Good night all....sweet dreams. Lulu <3

For Daddy!

I got this tattoo in remembrance of Matt and Lauren followed the tradition. We miss you Daddy everyday!

The book

I started with a nagging idea. After losing my husband my life was so off balance. The world around me seemed to move quickly and I was stuck in slow motion like a cartoon character. Somedays I felt so alone like no one understood the crazy thoughts in my head. I randomly would come across another widow and somehow our conversations always turned to these crazy thoughts and I realized I was not alone with them. We all had them in common. Why didn't more talk about their feelings? Why did we feel the need to keep it quite? Because if you haven't been in our place, your simply can't wrap your head around the things that we think and feel. So I had an idea to write a book. It took me a very long time, almost 9 years in fact. But it is finally done. Not all of my crazy thoughts but the important ones are there. You can't put all that crazy down on paper! That will get you heavily medicated, in a padded room! Ha!

So, here goes....a blog to go with it. I have lots more to say. Hopefully, I can reach others like myself and we can share some information and a giggle from time to time. Lots of Love, Cindy (Lemondrop Lulu)